Do you ever feel like God takes you to the extremes of His character and personality to get you to understand something...but then takes you to the complete opposite corner? Sometimes I have difficulty reconciling these places. Sometimes I feel foolish in the places I wrestle over these areas...and it is a place where I don't know if it is my personality, my gifting, or my disfunction or strongholds...but I want to get it. If there is anything in life I want to get it is who God is. I long to understand. I long to know how to communicate who He is fully and accurately.
So several months back...the Lord took me to the heart of His grief over the lost. This has wrecked me. If you've ever seen "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" there is the scene where Edmund has come back from the white witch after his betrayal, and she comes to claim his life as any who betray "belong to her." Aslan takes her to a tent to speak with her privately, and when they are done, He comes out and says she has renounced her claim and the whole camp bursts into cheering. In this moment, Lucy is the only one who looks over and catches the grief etched onto Aslan's face. I can't watch this scene without crying....weeping...as I want to understand what it means to the Father to have so many He paid for that still curse Him, still deny Him...the injustices of the world that make me crazy with anger are deeply personal to Him...He weeps as I would if it was my own daughter caught in slavery. And I know that I had to see this...I had to KNOW this to move forward.
But somewhere in there...I think I allowed a sorrow that was not of Him...I can see where this has affected my work at Stadium. It is almost a sense of inviting kids to jump into a sinking ship...times where I've been so sad over the lost and the injustices, that I forgot...
I forgot we win.
I forgot at the end of all this...Jesus stands as the Most Loved one of all eternity.
I forgot that He did all this for the JOY set before Him...
I forgot we win...
He leads us in triumphal procession...so the injustice...the delay...is merely a moment...a split second of time before our King comes to win.
And this adventure He beckons this generation to join is the best. The best ever. I know this...I would say I always have...but I forgot.
We had the joy of having the One Thing team from IHOP (International House of Prayer in Kansas City, MO) come to Tacoma last weekend. Of all the banners Jesus has given this team, one is surely JOY...and Jesus refreshed my heart so much this last weekend. I don't think I realized how much I was grieving. Grieving as if we've already lost. And I feel very aware of the sense of "losing" every day on a public school campus. Then you hear the statistics of how few youth go to church or are even remotely interested.
But then you stand and worship and remember afresh that this Jesus we serve won.
And He didn't barely win...He soundly defeated every scheme, every device, every attack, every disease, every infirmity...He made a public spectacle of each of them. And we may not yet see this victory in the flesh...but it is coming. I believe.
I am still dirty from the fight...I won't lie about that. Even as I write...I weep as faces flash through my mind. These broken ones need Jesus so desperately. And like the disciples, I have been fishing all night and often feel like I haven't caught anything...and yet I will still go to a campus tomorrow and try to catch an eye, a glance, a moment to continue to show the Lord's love and devotion. But I walk those halls with a Champion of a Savior...who has never sent me alone...who has paid dearly for each dear one we'll pass on the way to class. And He will win their hearts as He won mine. He will win this generation...of this I am sure...
So we look to Jesus...the author and the finisher of our faith...Jesus, come and write new chapters of faith in the hearts of this generation. Open their eyes that they may see. Open the heavens and demonstrate who You are! I can't wait to stand WITH them and worship You for all of eternity...
With hope and expectation,
Julie
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